Just cropdusted the office
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
