i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
