apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
