It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
