I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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