Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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