drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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