Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
