I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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