Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
