i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
