If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
