Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
