Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
