you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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