k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
