I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
