after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
