i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
