By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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