oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
