a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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