That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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