what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
