Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Farmville is her only friend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Congratulations! We have a period
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
