She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
