Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
