the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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