You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
