I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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