you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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