I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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