someone get that fucking seahorse.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize