if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
