Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
