I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize