Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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