ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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