What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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