People with herpes should wear stickers.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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