Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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