I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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