I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
