dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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