I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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