i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
