I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Welp...herpes.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
