the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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