I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
