i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
