Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
