dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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