I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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