Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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