Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
