Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
