8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
