she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
