What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize