Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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