i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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