I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
