he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
