I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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