Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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