not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
