i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
