3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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