you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months