there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.