I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
