I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
