There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
home. puking in laundry basket.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
