adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
