One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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