I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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