508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
